we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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