i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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