Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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