If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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