how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
