It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize