Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
