I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
