I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
