yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
