i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
