i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
