I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize