I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
