yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
