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• (513): View more from Ohio

  I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.

  (419): View more from Ohio

  I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.

  (586): View more from Michigan

  ...how and why.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  PARENTS ARE MAGIC.

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• (786): View more from Florida

  Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.

  (1-786): View more from Florida

  Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?

  (786): View more from Florida

  I insist.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face

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