I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
