I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
