the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
