I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
