Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
