i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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