are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
