Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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