i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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