brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
