Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
