You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
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