3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Alive.
So much puke
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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