So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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