she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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