You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize