bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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