if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
