I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Randomize
