two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
