We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
