Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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