i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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