We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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