Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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