I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so let's talk penis.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
