Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
