Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
