Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
