You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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