sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
