i used baking grease as lip gloss
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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