Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
