I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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