i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
