i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
