I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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