i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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