Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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