Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
