Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
