I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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