The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
