You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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