Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
