you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
