haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
