so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
