I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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