"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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