i used baking grease as lip gloss
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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