take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
