i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
