dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
