Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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