It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
