my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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