Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
