i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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